little less lonely

these past few days i’ve been my worst. too cynical and doubtful and peevish and annoying.

please do not get tired of loving me even when i am the hardest person to love on earth.

and i am asking you this because i cannot bear the thought of losing you,

when i already lost myself.


Hi to you. I get nervous just writing this even when I know that this account does not exist to you. I just couldn’t not write about you. You who may possibly seem to awaken my hibernated heart. It has been quite a time since it mightily lubdubbed for someone. I knew I’d like you the very first day I met you, notwithstanding the intimidating and snob image you project. You definitely should smile more often. You look better. If you only have the slightest idea how much you are making me happy and calm, monstrous and like a damned fool all the time. I want to hug you tight so you’d know how my heart strongly beats for you alone.

May I ask a favor? Try to see my affection and care for you. Allow me to show you my capacity to nurture you. Try to like me back with utmost sincerity.

Now, if you cannot do these, please stay away soonest. Help me pray that my heart and soul may endure the possible pain, rejection and sadness.

Thank you. ♡

draft viii. 2015

you don’t even know my past. so stop acting like you know me. do you really think it’s a joke? do you really think it’s cool making fun of me? do you really think it’s cool when you mock me? you don’t have the slightest idea what hell I am going through so please stop judging like you know me hundred percent. there’s a reason why i act this way. there’s a reason why I built all those walls around me. there’s a reason why I’d rather be alone. there’s a reason why I don’t easily trust anybody. there’s a reason why I’m always quiet. there’s a reason behind everything I do. yes, I’m broken, and I might not know how to deal with problems and handle other things, but that doesn’t make you a better person than me. 
you of all people, chose to ruin my trust. and by that, you shattered my soul, the whole me — now, nothing but pieces. lost my faith in humanity. 

06th october

What is there to say? You know how much I love you. But in case your busy mind forgot, let me remind you.

When I say I love you, I mean all of you.
I love who you are, deep down.
I admire and adore you.
My life is better with you in it and I’m grateful for every moment we’re together.
I want you all the time. No one else.

You are my raging ocean.
You are my thunderstorm.
You are my sunrise; my sunset.
You are my adventure and I want to explore and get lost with you.
I would love to invade you.
I want to touch your deepest thoughts.

I vow to keep you safe.
I vow to listen to you.
I vow to stand by you.
I vow to hold your hands as you go through tough times.
I will kiss you where it hurts and until it hurts.
I will give you all I have until my heart cracks and its contents spill on the floor.
When the world feels so cold, I will love you until you send me away.
I will give you overflowing heaven sent love.
I will stay even at your worst.
I will not be afraid of your scars.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.

Your past is not mine to judge, but please know that I love you now.
Loving you was never a conscious concept.
I need you to know that I am always here for you.
You deserve more than 3 words, 8 letters and 1 sentence said everyday over and over again.
You deserve love at its best even at your worst.
My love for you knows no boundaries.
With you I’m home. I find peace and insanity intertwined.

You are my world.
My love for you will never change.

draft. 21st of april, 2016

two people. two shattered soul. two broken being.

and in our brokenness we found peace
we saw a crack in each other and found a way in.
together we healed, slowly.
together we scarred.
time flew, you healed fast while i was having a hard time.
and then, one day, you were all better while i was still recovering.
you said you can’t wait for me, and so, you left.
and now, i’m left alone, slightly healed.
lost and confused. not sure how to complete the process of healing, because you left me, halfway.

and now i wander, hoping that one day, i will meet the one that will never leave while i heal. hoping that one day, i will meet the one that will stay.